*sigh* wow.. it's been like a couple of months since my last post... goodthing i'm saving some journals in the computer... So here's what I've got.... :) Ah... "emo-thing" hate it! But yes, that's what happen... Guess what? I'm a SURVIVOR! :)
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Hello. Wow, it’s been a long time since my last post here… Honestly I don’t know how to start this blog entry… I don’t know exactly what to say… I guess for the past weeks of May up to the first week of June, my life was in a roller coaster. Well I know that’s life. Damn. It was so hurtful. Now we’re still recovering. I’m still in a state of moving on.
May, it was actually my favorite month, basically because my birthday falls on the 25th of this month. A month usually full of celebrations like family gatherings, summer get away with my friends, my parents’ wedding anniversary and of course my birthday. Unfortunately May 2010 was the saddest.
I feel this kind of feeling before, pero iba pa rin talaga kapag hindi lang ikaw ang involved. This was like more hurtful than dealing with my own struggles in life. Because for me, what’s more hurtful is when you see your love ones hurting.
My mom, she always screams at me, saying bad things against me, she almost hates all the things that I want, most of the time she don’t understand me, I admit these things makes me feel so broken, but despite of all these things I love her so much.
Who wouldn’t have thought something unexpected will happen to her. She was sick; it hurts me more seeing her in a bad condition. We spent our whole month at the hospital, for a month it seems like a regular basis, waking up early at 7am and sleeping late at 2am. Oatmeal became my favorite meal. One thing, I celebrated my birthday also at the hospital, it was very unusual, yeah of course. Well aside from the environment, maybe because I wasn’t able to celebrate my birthday with the company of my friends but its ok, I feel so love because I was remembered on my special day. Actually I didn’t feel like celebrating at all, what’s the use of celebration if you see your mom in pain, it was a terrible experience, at that time I wish my birthday would be in another month.
At that point, I knew God was up for something, it’s not only about the pain, it’s more on “learning”…. Learning the lessons of life. I love my mom, with that I feel so rational to say, that after all these pains brought by some crazy twist in our life, my life, I’m still thankful to the lord. He was there when I needed him the most.
UPDATE 1
Hi there, this is so unusual… for the longest time I feel so damn sad. I know this is what you call self pity, how I badly wish I could escape this crap! But I feel so shuttered. My world is in slow motion, I can feel every heartbreaking seconds of it! That’s beyond hurtful! Everyday I find escape from simple things… like goofing around with some of my bestest friends…. I wish this thing called loneliness will leave me…
UPDATE 2
Yes, it was indeed a rollercoaster ride… guess what after a couple of days feeling lonely… a couple of days happy… here comes history again… Cliché again, but that’s that! That’s LIFE!
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